Hello, my name is Rebecca. I'm known as Beckie0 on YouTube. This is my journal about my experiences with Trichotillomania.

beckie0:

BECKIE’S FIRST HAUL!

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Products:

Clearasil Rapid Action Scrub

Aussie Miracle Moist Shampoo

OGX Coconut Milk Conditioner

OGX Biotin & Collagen Shampoo

Garnier Simply Essentials Makeup Remover

Revlon Photoready Primer

Rimmel Brit Manicure 430 Porcelain

Bourjois Healthy Mix Radience Reveal 51

Revlon gold eye shadow

Stay Perfect No7 Eye Shadow 69 Starry Lights

Anna Smith Cosmos Bag

— 3 days ago with 39 notes

Staying over someone’s flat to work and they have three large mirrors in their bathroom, it’s most strange. I keep seeing my hair 360’. I feel like I have a mullet, the roots are dark and it’s missing loads from the back crown… It’s just so weird seeing myself have hair like this. Weird.

Staying over someone’s flat to work and they have three large mirrors in their bathroom, it’s most strange. I keep seeing my hair 360’. I feel like I have a mullet, the roots are dark and it’s missing loads from the back crown… It’s just so weird seeing myself have hair like this. Weird.

— 3 days ago with 39 notes

#Trichotillomania 
February 2010, I think this is our next goal.

February 2010, I think this is our next goal.

— 4 days ago with 42 notes

#beckie0  #trichotillomania  #trichjournal 
Alone or together?!

"There are millions of people going through the same thing as you right now. You are not alone".

I find that this statement, can be both helpful and detrimental, despite being given as a supportive statement and it’s honesty. Some people respond to this with what they regard as "hope" and others respond with feelings of, "it’s the end of the world."

Why?

Well, if you’re on your own with a condition and a person says that sentence, then all of a sudden, you feel a part of something! You know that others out there are fighting along side you! It’s an eye opener into a world you may not even be aware of! "Come and join the community", so to speak.

The counter side to saying this statement is that for some people, hearing this statement can make them feel so low and hopeless.

"There are millions of people in the world just like me, all suffering?! Being made aware that millions suffer with this till their dying days is not making me hopeful. It’s just confirming my belief that this condition will be with me for life and all this evidence is proving that regardless of how hard I try, I will never be free".

Being (made) aware of a world of Trichers, for some, can be a potentially damaging and overwhelming experience or feeling.

I admit there are times when I wish I didn’t know about everyone else and their Trichotillomania:

I wish I was the only one, for then I wouldn’t be aware of the endless battle, the future traumas, I wouldn’t be scared every time I hear of someone relapsing after years of growth, I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable every time someone says they are pull free - because deep down I know that the chances of relapse are incredibly high and upcoming, I wouldn’t feel pressurised to cure myself in order to help others, I wouldn’t be categorised/placed into groups (such as BFRB’s) and treated like a number, I wouldn’t be treated as a case study….. I wouldn’t live in fear every single day of more hair loss and distress because I wouldn’t know that relapse is just waiting for me around the corner… because of the evidence of thousands of Trichers before me.

———

I want more awareness for all, but more awareness, means more people coming into the community and more people means more stories and experiences, more of those equate more encounters of life damaging/traumatising ongoing life battles with Trichotillomania…. It makes me feel so hopeless! :(.

I don’t know what is better, being alone with this (despite the upsets loneliness and misunderstandings it can bring), or being subjected to thousands upon thousands of Trichers all never-endingly suffering with their conditions…. and me not being able to help.

— 4 days ago with 31 notes

#trichotillomania  #trichjournal  #lonely 
Trichotillomania And Religion.

For some, the problems and sufferings in their life are woven together with their faith. The subject of religion and our condition is valid and has a right to be discussed - though it is an extremely sensitive subject.

It can be hard to talk about our Trichotillomania in our religious communities, for example with sunday school teachers/priests. I was brought up a Christian (and attended church) and even my Christian community didn’t quite understand my hair habit. One church leader told me to just get over it and focus on what was important… :/.

In my time, I’ve had Christians telling me that “if I believe in God, I will be cured/set free” etc. As a teenager, I prayed to God to stop me pulling, I cried out to him all the time asking why he made me with this condition etc. I really struggled to understand why God would create me with this if he could see it was causing me so much pain/trauma.

I’m not religious anymore (there are many reasons why, not purely because I still have Trichotillomania. My choice to walk away from faith is far more complex). The worries of religion and having my disorders are no longer there for me, but the inner conflict may be still there for others who still have faith.

Though threads and discussions on religion can easily go off on tangents, for some, this is a truly hard part to their condition and there aren’t many places to talk about it. If you are going to write about it/join in threads and discussions, please respect that religion presents issues for many with their disorders/lives/troubles. Additionally, please respect that others do not believe in any form of faith too.

I have wanted to discuss my previous faith with my Trichotillomania, though found it difficult to do so. Just saying I’m not religious (or in the past, stating I was a Christian) causes tremendous troubles on it’s own. A thread came up elsewhere online today and this post is an elaborated version of the comment I posted there. If you are struggling with your faith and Trichotillomania, know that I’ve been there and you’re not alone.

Thank you.

— 1 week ago with 51 notes

#christianity  #beckie0  #trichotillomania  #trichjournal 
"Why do you put your self esteem in the hands of complete strangers?"

Helena Bonham Carter (via qoldlush)

(via bright—ness)

(Source: splitterherzen, via underthesunshine)

— 1 week ago with 464035 notes

beckie0:

New Video: BFI Film Festival #1 

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— 1 week ago with 33 notes

Not cured.

I take it now as a compliment, that people think I’m cured. That obviously means my growth is enough to shake off others worry or it’s enough to hide what lies underneath. 

But know that I’m still pulling, I have a patch behind my ear, I’m constantly having to shave below, and the top back of my crown is most thin and shows up in certain light. It’s lack of long growth will become more evident as I attempt to grow out my hair.

I’m most certainly not cured and I doubt I will ever be, things are just calmer than the past. I hope they remain this way.

— 1 week ago with 73 notes

#trichotillomania 
Oops.

The last blog post were notes I need to incorporate into a video this afternoon. I tend to write my notes on my mobile in drafts when I’m on the go! (My phone is dying at the moment, so the internet is safer, incase it blacks out!) I was trying to find a simple definition of the term and those two were notes for me! Sorry for the random posting! : x

— 1 week ago with 14 notes

My story in six words?! 
"I’m a Trichotillomania fighter for life."

My story in six words?! 

"I’m a Trichotillomania fighter for life."

— 2 weeks ago with 116 notes

#beckie0  #trichotillomania  #tlc  #trichjournal 

beckie0:

gina-pie-kawaii:

I made a video about beckie0, to show how she inspires me to keep going.

Thank you x  Whether you have or , I guess this proves that you can make it through in your own way.

— 2 weeks ago with 120 notes

Please understand.

Coping and promoting awareness for one disorder is really hard for me, especially as it’s something which affects my life so greatly. I’ve spent my life with this disorder and a good six years promoting awareness to the best of my ability - towards millions upon millions of people.

A group of people seem to forget that I am not equipped to promote all ten disorders that come under the new umbrella: emotionally, physically and mentally… additionally theoretically! I do not have the experience or the knowledge to cater for all this as well as my own life-impacting disorder. As for just talking about BFRB’s generally, it’s a whole new ball game. It’s like choosing to study art and being told you have to take the history of art too. You can paint, but you don’t understand the theory or history. It’s an extra subject that you didn’t choose to take, but is thrust on you. I didn’t know my Trich would be changed to this.

I’m under immense pressure to cater for all and I don’t feel I can. This is too much for me and people don’t understand.

I feel so misunderstood. I’ve seen two blogs where people say I don’t care about their (non Trich) disorder. When I do care! Please don’t think so ill of me.

As I said in my video, all disorders need awareness and all disorders are EQUAL. But for me, putting all these disorders together de-values each of them, they all appear as one. The names of the disorders and their individuality is lost - that is my fear.

The pressure now put on people and organisations to promote all the disorders is really tough. It’s not that we don’t care, it’s that some of us can’t cope with all these new subjects to promote and carry as well as our own :(.

Please.

— 2 weeks ago with 63 notes

#hurt  #trichotillomania  #dermatillomania  #bfrbawareness 

Writing out a video for BFRB’s. I’m far from happy about this, but I’m being met with so many messages from people who still don’t understand what it is. I HAVE to make a video about it. :( xxx

— 2 weeks ago with 15 notes